Posted in My Life


Posted in For, Learn, Me, Musing, My Life


Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday, those are names of days. most of us work or go to campus from monday to friday, meanwhile sunday and saturday are days off. I say mostly, it could be different to anyone else. Going to work or school can be so exhausting and frustrating sometimes. Besides, to begin with it can be so hard. Well, something seems to change after all.

During work or school days, times seems to run slower than it seems. So many things have been done or so many class material that has been discussed but still clock doesn’t move that far from the point we see before. New tasks keeps coming and the class hasn’t stopped yet. Even, time feels slower when the end of work day or school day come nearer and nearer. However, in that time, everything seems to be better, days seems more beautiful as the joy is waiting. TGIF, after all.

When the time has come, it’s time to say “goodbye” to work and school, sadly, just for a while. Well, we can spend our time in the friday night, saturday and sunday like doing our hobbies, meeting with old friends, go shopping, playing video games, just name it. It makes us happier after all.

We do many things in those vacation days, from doing things to doing nothing at all. However, here comes sunday when we have to do our routines again by tomorrow. Does everything feel strange to you? does the day feel more beautiful than usual, does the sun shine brighter than usual, is the sky more blue than usual? or does the day feel better than usual? Well, it seems that the day seems to be better than usual, it’s more beautiful, the sun is shining brighter and the sky seems to be more blue. It’s beautiful day as we’re going to lose it in hours, perhaps. Well, Sunday can be the most beautiful and the saddest day at the same time. The day feels more beautiful as we’re going to doing the routines we usually do tomorrow, therefore it feels sad. Well, what can we do is just enjoy the day to the earnest.

However, why does this feeling come so often? Is it about the moment? The moment we work or go to school, the time feels so slow. Is it because we don’t enjoy it. On the contrary on the friday night, saturday and sunday as times feels to run so fast because we enjoy it. Is that the cause? I think it’s true for me. It could be different for someone else. for me, i guess it’s because of the lack of time appreciation. I know, i mean who want to to be misery? well, i was blind. I only want to live in good moment, therefore those contrary times feels so so long. However, hard time and good time must have its place in time. Therefore i feel that kind of feeling.

After all, we have to appreciate any moment. I believe any moment is so meaningful if we appreciate it, either in hard time or good one. those times will always be there changing to each other in life. Well, all we can do is just face it and appreciate it. I believe it will be meaningful if we do that.

(just a lesson and reminder for myself)


Posted in Blogging, Fiction, imaginary, Learn, Me, Musing, random

question(s) after question

Let’s imagine, we are in the flat ground of a place, where hills surrounding it. The scenery from here is just great. The green color is so vivid to the eyes as the wind blows your body and touches your skin, The feeling is so refreshing as the blue sky spread entire sky and the white cloud drifting as it comes and go covering the sunlight. It’s so beautiful. However, the curiosity might come to mind. What is the scenery like in the top of hill? Well, going there is an answer to find out. Well, we decide to go there.

We go to the hill, the road is quite steep and little bit slippery but we climb it up anyway until we get to the top of the hill. Well, it is worth the climb. We see a better view, we can see the other hills from here and there is the city behind the hills we climbed up. The city looks so modern, there are skylines everywhere and the there is the tallest one. The curiosity comes to mind again, how about the view in the highest skyline? We do the same thing to find out.

We go down the hills, feeling the different feel of breathing, the speed of wind blows and touches our body, and the refreshing feeling feels so different. The trees in our eyes seem to fade away as we come to the city. When we arrive in the city, well there are so many people walking, so many cars moving from a place to another. Well, it’s so intense and we just keep walking to the place we want to go. Here we are, the highest skylines in the city, we can go to top level of the building by elevator or just using stairs, but are you serious if we use stairs? well, not really. Why not both? We go up by using stairs.

Well, it’s just like we climb the hill, but it’s easier track, longer one. The place we see becomes smaller and smaller as we go higher and higher as the horizon of the scenery becomes wider and wider. When we reach the top level of the building, we see the scenery looks so beautiful. We still can see the sky and the city looks so small from here. It just looks so beautiful with different feeling and sense to what we feel in the top of the hill. In the top of the hill, we feel almost everything that get us is natural, the natural wind, natural refresher, natural scenery while in the building everything seems to be conditioned to be like that way, but it’s okay. Then we realized a thing as we keep seeing the scenery.

Well, we ask question and we tried to answer ours. As we answer it another one just come and it seems like there’s no end of it. Is it good? I don’t know, it guess it is. We don’t know many things after all as we try to know something, there is something larger than that to be questioned. Well, there is always question in mind as long as the curiosity pops up. If we ask, sometimes we at least know the answer, even though the answer is “I don’t know” but it can change as we keep trying to find out and we get the answer. If there is a question after that, it’s okay. We’re alive anyway.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

Albert Einstein

(Just a reminder for myself)

Posted in Fiction, imaginary, Learn, Me, Musing


Let’s imagine that we are in the edge of the imaginary room. We are trapped in that room and we have to go to back to the reality. There’s nothing in it but the door.  There’s no hint, but there is only one message left behind through your mind, you should get out of the room until you find the reality while door is not locked anyway. However, we don’t know anything about everything behind the door. Would you open it? Well, i guess we have to open it.

When we open the door, we entered to a new room and we see nothing again but 2 doors before our sight. Those doors are also not locked. Those doors seem to be identical and we have to get out of this room. One door is located in the middle, parallel to the previous door while the other one is located on the corner of the room. The middle one doesn’t seem to be broken while the corner one seems like it has been beaten with things many times, there are scars on it. Which one would you choose? We know nothing about everything behind those doors even with those looks of the door hasn’t been able to lead us to somewhere we want, will it be more doors, or will it be the the exit, or will it be just an empty door? There is only one thing to do to find out, open it. But, which one? Let’s try the middle one.

We open the door in the middle of the room. While we open it, we move from a room level to newer one. there are three doors in front of us. we’re given the same situation to choose as before, which one to choose? How about choosing the middle one. We we open it, there is only one door, when we open it again, there is another door to open. When we do it again, something like this happens for times and we ended up in the room where we have to choose 3 doors. We entered that room from the left side. Trials of opening the door has given us information we go by opening those doors and gives us a returning result. What to do now? We can go back and choose scar door in the previous room level or we can open the door on the right side. We can try both, we have to prioritize. Which one should we choose? Let’s try the right one.

When we open it, it is a completely empty room. There’s nothing in it but just nothing. We know what to do now, at least, going back to the previous level and choose the scar door. When we open it, We are in the middle of the stair, we begin to see the light from above while it’s so dark below. By instinct, the exit door seems to be in the above, however we go up the upstairs, There is nothing but the hollow ceiling. So we have to do the hard way, we go downstairs and we see the door and open it. When we open it, it is an ideal room for you, this room will has everything you want.

Well, we ended up staying in that room for long time, enjoying what the room gives to us. However, there is something doesn’t feel right and we can’t notice it yet. When we sit down, we try to think what doesn’t feel right about this. There is a another door to open, but we ended up staying here for a while. Then, we realize that this room is just an illusion for us.

Now, let’s think, aren’t we like doing research or a life?We have a goal to get out. When we find out what’s in the door, we found an answer but maybe it hasn’t lead us to the goal, we then find out again and we ended up in the same place as before. We even take so many effort to open the door, there are so many considerations to decide, but i just make it simple for the sake of the story, there are so many result that we don’t want. Trial-and-error is normal, i guess. I think what’s important is that we keep trying. There’s failure and sometimes it brings our hopes and dream down, but aren’t we still in the journey? maybe there are things that cannot be changed in life, but at least trying is all we can do to reach it.

Back to the story, there are 2 choices now, would you stay or opening the door. If we stay here, we get what we want, and quitting the initial goal, or i can say we are giving up. however, if choose to open the door, the same condition can happen again, there could be doors to enter, we can end up getting to the same room as before, but there is an exit door somewhere. So, what would you choose? The choice is all yours, but if you refuse to give up, you can open the door.

(Just a reminder for myself)

Posted in Blogging, Dream, Fiction, imaginary, Me, Memories, My Life, random

projecting to the past

Talking about time machine, does it exist yet? my answer would still be “I don’t know”. However, i guess we still can travel to the past, but we cannot change it and it could be blurry. We do not have to use the machine to do that, but we just can project our mind and heart to a certain date in the past and remembering what happened that time. Well, this is the power of memories after all.

okay, when we project to remembering the past, what time do you remember? I guess everyone’s answer will be different. We’ve been through lot of different things after all, so it’s normal to have that kind of answer. But, let’s just try to remember what have happened recently. Take a look at everything around your surroundings. Do you notice that there is a change in your place or people around you? not sure yet? okay, how about we going deeper, why don’t we try to remember what have longer than we have just remembered.

I’m sure that there are many things to remember, whether the a new house hasn’t been built, your friends migrate to somewhere, someone passed away, or anything, it could be a good moments, accidents, or anything, you can name it.

We keep projecting the past we remembered until there are memories’ fragments that still lies on our mind and hearts. It could be a game-changing in our life, whether it’s good or bad. We must’ve remembered that. Let’s say that it’s bad one that we remember. There must’ve been a deep feeling that stick to those memories. They could be regrets, grieve or just a sad feeling that cannot be interpreted by words itself. It gives us something to remember, but something that doesn’t really wanted to be remembered, but it happens after all.

We tried to runaway from those sad memories, let’s project to the older than those sad memories. I feel that something that game-changing to bad ones is very beautiful and nostalgic ones. Yeah, let’s project to those nostalgic ones. Well, can you feel it? was it really vivid? Does it bring back so much memories, so much happiness, so much joy in life we’ve ever had? I guess it’s beautiful.

We project to those nostalgic memories in our life. maybe, compared to now, those times are really ideal, beautiful and unforgettable. We project to those times, seeing ourselves feeling so happy and it felt like there is no significant problems coming to us, everything is just as ideal as it seems, it was all beautiful. Sadly, we do not live in those moment anymore. Everything changes, the game-changing in our life has happened. Everything is just like the way it is now.

Those memories are beautiful, i want to go back but I can’t live there anymore. Problems, stress, and burdens seem like coming to us simultaneously, but.. i guess this is life. I know something can change in our life drastically, from a very beautiful moments to nightmares. it hurts, i think it hurts to accept it, but we have to. we should go on.

Maybe, in near future, something will change. It could be good or bad ones. Maybe we will leave or left, something will come and go, everything can change. We must go on. If we project our mind and heart to future, what kind of future we want? a happy and beautiful ones? succeed in career and family? i guess everyone wants better future in their own life. How do we get into those projection, hopes, dreams? we have to walk it through, right? there will be obstacles before us to reach those doors of our projections. We have to walk through it anyway. I believe, whatever happens, something beautiful will come at its time. Therefore, move on and let’s move forward.

(Just a reminder to myself).

Posted in Fiction, imaginary, Learn, Me, Musing, My Life, random

Sit and realize

I’m just sitting, on a bed as using my laptop to do something. As I write, I see the windows with tree branches as a scenery. The tree dances as whistled by the wind. I just can say that it’s beautiful. What makes it more is that the background changes as time goes by in a day. At dawn, it looks so dark. I guess, i can only see the silhouette of the tree. but, when day gets brighter and brighter, the sky becomes a blue canvas and it feels so energizing. It’s like telling me that the day is so bright, why not be happy?. I just try to smile as i feel the deep feeling of emptiness.

As the day comes to an end, the sky becomes dimmer and dimmer as the tree branch keeps moving when the wind blows. While the the wind doesn’t blow so strong, the tree branch looked so calm but it’s still dancing slowly. I just sit and see. I tried to think. I don’t know what to think, but it seems like it’s reminding me that these kind of days will change. I can’t remember exactly, but it’s just like this kind of moment is priceless and it’s going to be disappear forever. I just still sit on the bed and seeing the scenery.

Sometimes, I contemplate about life. I ask about what’s going to happen after this as I at the same time know the answer which is I don’t know about it at all. I don’t know what is it going to be like in the next years, i’m in senior year now. I know i only think without doing actions. next years is going to be completely unknown. Just letting the time answer becomes how we answer the future from now? It’s completely confusing.

I’m still sitting down, listening to the music as I see the tree, and writing this. I don’t know what to write, it’s just like my blog is about musing anymore, but it’s much more on the depression and anxiety I feel in a writing. Well, i’m sorry for that.

The days get darker as evening comes, the feel of the tree becomes browner and browner, the sky tried to change itself to a night sky. it becomes more darker and darker. The laptop screens looks so bright right now. I just try to thin and realize. how weak and how useless i am.

I know it sounds naive to have a thought “I want nothing changes.”. I found it naive. It’s really naive. How naive I am. right now, i realize that i’m in the comfort zone while the others are struggling to survive, they tried to become free. While me, i’m living in the pseudo freedom. People born, grow up, and then dead, leaving you behind as time goes on and maybe you and I are the next. The world changes as we do nothing. The day becomes night and vice versa everyday. How couldn’t I realize this?

Everything changes. I should’ve known that better. I met people, befriend with one of them and when time goes on we should part for reasons, but the bonding remains the same. The tech changes as times goes on. The better invention invented, the undiscovered things become discovered. Everything should change to advance. I should’ve known that.

Another thing i realize, “nothing last forever”. Well, i guess it’s true. I’m looking at the window, i hardly see the tree. everything changes. I should also change, moving forward, become better and better for myself and others.  Yeah, I should change. I hope I could, therefore i could become stronger.



Posted in imaginary, Learn, Me, Memories, Musing, My Life, random

Hi, then goodbye — Reunion.

This is the continuing post from post Hi, then goodbye.

After each one went to a new path, will there be another hi? Well, i guess it could be. I mean, why not? They can meet and communicate on line. However, the feeling may be not that great. How about a kind of reunion? It could happen too.

By the way, in the last post, I am one of ‘they’, so i write based on my perspective.

A reunion.. a new and another Hi. Reunion seems like reliving the old memories, seeing the changes of each personal, reforming the loosen bond to become stronger. However, this kind of attempt can’t always be as perfect as the past, what can I expect anyway? There will always be someone absent for reasons anyway, the time and space matters.

The reunion finally took place. It wasn’t actually a reunion, it was just an anniversary of the community but attended by most of us, therefore the feeling be like a reunion. It was so nostalgic, beautiful.

So many interesting conversations, news about the fellow ones, telling what have been experienced during the last few years, it was just so wonderful. The conversation was alive for no reason. It was so vivid and bright.

Luckily, there was a rain that day. So, the conversation could still go on and the discussion was active and quite alive. Time flied so fast in that day too, I wished time could stop for those moments. When a goodbye word was said, it just strike to the feeling. The uneasy feeling as though came and giving off a sad feeling inside.

After separated for years, facing and taking different road in life, facing different conditions, meeting different people with various background, having stories with others, and etc. The feeling of long could just pop all of suddenly unexpectedly. When the reunion just took place so short, i felt it wasn’t enough at all.

another strike to the feeling was “see you one day”. It was so deep to me, you know we don’t know when can we meet like that again. The happy feeling because we can meet again clashed with the sad feeling that this is really tight moment as the long feeling still existed. Everything begin to change after all.

There’s always a hi, then proceeded by goodbye after all. no matter how short, or how long this kind of phenomenon happens, it will still do. It’s almost impossible not to change as the world constantly changing. I guess what i can do is to accept this reality.

I know, i still feel the long deeply. However, accepting this reality takes time and maturity. I just realized how meaningful was the meeting, even it was short, but it was deeply meaningful. I guess i have learned about appreciating moments in life. We’ve been though a lot of things together years ago, it was so nostalgic and beautiful. However, life is like this after all, we met each other, then we say goodbye. it’s so sad but it happens like this. it’s okay to have a deep long feeling, it’s normal, as long as we can move forward and appreciate any precious moment in life for now and then.